Sunday, November 13, 2016

Body/Head Live 2014

I really need to reconstruct my ability to sleep, my ability for my body and mind to heal and detox. I need indica and acupuncture. I need a place to live, more importantly I need a home which is as safe as possible. I need more than occasional human contact in person with people who are not MRA Nazi Frog White Nationalist Christian Supremacists. I don't have any of that. I don't know how to make that happen. I am bad at living and hate that I need others to help me with so much of it when I am patently not worth it. I am terrible at self care. What I can offer myself in the way of self care is Kim Gordon/Bill Nace on the soon-to-be-dismantled Internet. I feel like I don't have the right to self care when so many are fighting, resisting, being hurt or worse at the hands of hatred. I feel like a fraud, like a hypocrite, sitting in a hotel room going out of my mind, doing nothing for anyone, barely able to be human whatever that is. How do you do self care when you can't care for yourself? I went to the doctor yesterday to get asthma medicine and my pulse rate was extremely high and never went down the whole time I was there. I can feel the pain in my heart. I can feel the stress killing me. I can't imagine how others feel. I am sorry to keep writing this stuff. I feel like a broken record. I feel like if I was supposed to live through this I would have made better choices in the past, been a better person. My isolation, my debility, my injuries and my illness are all my fault. I don't expect anyone to even read this, maybe no one should. You should, however, listen to Kim Gordon. She is awesome. As far as I am concerned, Body/Head > Sonic Youth for all time. Love, nathaxn

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