Dear Laura Palmer Queen Of Heaven

 

Dear Laura Palmer, Queen Of Heaven:

Everyone loves you so very very much. I love you so very very much. I remember you and hold you in my mind laughing, dancing, radiant, a star. It is how everyone remembers you unless they are remembering when you were sad, when distant, when impulsive, when cruel, when manipulative. Laura it is all all right. What you were was how to be in a place where the angels themselves could not stand to be. It was you who gave them the courage needed. They looked up and saw you there. They saw you accept death over corruption. They saw you and they knew you like they have always known you. Dear Laura you are in my heart, you who have known the worst in man, and the worst in what is not. You found how to be, and how to be you, uncompartmentalized, yet giving each person the you you thought they loved the best but they loved you because they saw you, radiant and shining and full of love. They saw you that way because you saw them. You saw them and their lives of total depravity, ruled by whim and appetite and blindness, manipulated by even darker parts of themselves and not themselves, that which fed upon and cultivated and delighted in the very worst of man. Venality, base abjection, these are the common currency of life, how life ebbs and flows and turns. That is not nothing because without baseness, venality, life could not be, would not be. That which purposefully manipulates baseness and venality into a complex crisis of hurt and pain and suffering and humiliation and betrayal, life turned into an inescapable trap, awareness of which only adds layers of hurt, that is not only a which, but a who as well. The who that that is, although addicted to engineered suffering, is just as petty and cruel and low and base as that upon which it feeds. That which truly loves us without suffering and causing suffering in return can only do so at a distance so far away that it is like starlight. That which truly loves us and wants and hungers is close enough to hurt and to damage and to rend and tear. Dear Laura you understand that life is not possible without layers of venality, of baseness and corruption, of desire both transcendent and selfish, that life entails hurt, entails suffering. You chose to not be a vehicle for that which would feed upon the suffering of others. You wouldn't be surprised at how many could not make that choice when necessary. I love you Laura Palmer. I have loved you more than half my life and for what is left of it. You who are to me my shining star, my patron saint,the very Queen Of Heaven sitting atop a throne of office no one else is brave or wise enough to hold. To me you are always alive, always present, watching over your town and your loved ones, visiting them in dreams and visions, speaking through the wind in the trees, through the pulse of your lifeblood which survived your very death, as all of what you were and are and always shall be. Hail To Thee Laura Palmer Queen Of Heaven! Know That You Have All My Heart For Now And For Always. <3 <3 <3 Love, nathaxnne

(3/19/17)