Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Hole - 'Garbadge Man' from Pretty On The Inside (1991)

I played my cassette of Pretty On The Inside until it melted. No other album I had in high school reflected how I felt about my body, about my desire, about my shame, about choosing delirium and oblivion over purposefulness and direction. To be incarnate is to experience body horror. To live is to want to die. Nothing else, no other album, came close to how I really felt. The sound of Courtney's voice was a voice I heard in me all the time. I didn't admit to this then, even as I wore out this album through overuse. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to fall down and never get up. I wanted my guts to spill out and never get sewn back inside. I was the bad sister, so bad at it to not even be read as a sister. Ugly and full of holes, self-inflicted and otherwise. The first three Hole albums are forever classics. Pretty On The Inside was my private anthem, the song I sang to myself. <3 Courtney!!! <3 nathaxnne

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