a clearing 01

to the they that dwells in the spine of the mountain 1.0

fade out

Cloud Rat - Moksha (2013)

on the pathway to liberation a space for healing and reflection and to mourn what has been lost and what can be recovered or remade wholly anew

radiant void 4.2

TRNSGNDR/VHS - Condominium (2015)

glorious industrial noise tunes bring it! bring it!!! *what a jam 'Geography' is!!! <3

Boy Harsher - Lesser Man (extended version) [2014, remastered/reissued 2018]

I didn't draw or anything while listening to this debut release from Boy Harsher, just listening, and I was enraptured by it. Post-Suicide, post-EBM late-night depress-oblivion-release goth disco heaven/hell <3

sleeping cat 1.1

ornamental gate to the charnel grounds 1.2

Castle - Castle (1994)

I am so in love with this album, from its classick rokk gtr flourishes, to its melancholy keyboards, to its near-whispered meditations, this is the song that those lost questing in the catacombs sing to themselves long after given up finding a way out <3 <3 <3

plow 1.1

Gnaw Their Tongues - Genocidal Majesty (2018)

sometimes this helps and it does and then it does <3

oversize american flag 1.4

flood 1.2

DSKNT - PhSPHR Entropy (2017)

this album absolutely slays. storming messed-up angular black metal undergirded by gusts and pushes of industrial noise. straight-up mind altering (at the very least!) <3

mouth of infernal rivers 1.0

water lily (detail) 1.3

cursed lenticular) 1.2

Occvlta - Night Without End (2017)

sometimes you need a guide into the abyssal depths. sometimes you need a merciless hammer to mercilessly hammer you. this is for the latter of times. <3

who rides upon the night winds 1.0

Monarch - Sabbracadaver (2014)

a shadow cast into life by what once was and will be no more or what may have been but never realized

radiant void 3.2

Urarv - Aurum (2017)

Longtime readers (tolerators?) of this blog will recognize that I hold a very special place in my heart for Dodheimsgard's 666 International (1999) which has provided me with decades of wonder and delight so it is with honor and (some) trepidation that I approach vocalist Aldrahn's very personal band Urarv's work Aurum which apparently had its genesis in Aldrahn's 2003 institutionalization and subsequent confrontation of intrusive unwanted negative thought patterns and personality aspects. Aurum is less a black metal album than something made with the same tools and general vocabulary that would go into making a black metal album but making something quite else with those processes. This album has at least for tonight helped me feel more proactive in dealing with the injured and broken aspects of myself so thank you Urarv! <3

Personal Update 2/8/18

Last night I hit my head on the rental car doorframe again, the second time in 3 weeks, which, if you know what living with post-concussive syndrome or traumatic brain injury is like, is really not good. I was healing however imperfectly from the impact 3 weeks ago but not out of the woods yet as it were when the same thing happened again. Immediately the symptoms were far more severe than the last time. I know the immediate problems will abate over time but impacts close to each other in time are bad for long-term outcomes. I live in daily fear of dementia and chronic traumatic encephalopathy. I am terrified that I will lose my ability to write and to make art. Brain injury has already taken from me my family, my partner, my ability to parent, my home, my car, basic quality of life and to have this happen again again on top of everything else is really too much. I am scheduled to have an appointment in two weeks to see a doctor about getting a prescription for medical marijuana which honestly the hope of which is the only thing even marginally keeping me together at this point. I used to rely upon medical marijuana every day for essential functioning for much of the 2000's and especially in the aftermath of my 2010 concussion which sparked this whole cascade into the neurological abyss although significant damage had more than likely already occurred in advance. I had to give up my use of medical marijuana to move to Minneapolis and then moved to Pennsylvania right before I could have gotten it legally in Minnesota. I scheduled this appointment in November and then the wait time was 3 months. I don't know if I will be able to get my medical records transferred in time which might annul my appointment entirely and I have NO IDEA how I am going to come up with the 275 dollar appointment fee which, needless to say, is not covered by Medicare. Even if this is successful, I will have to pay another similarly large fee for a medical marijuana card/license even before being eligible to purchase the medicine which isn't even available in dispensaries yet and won't be for months at best. Additionally, I will have to get my prescription renewed every six months at a cost of 150 dollars a visit. This is an incredible cost to bear and I don't know if I will be able to do it but THC is the only hope I have for an additional treatment for sleep apnea along with my CPAP machine and a possible means of slowing or reversing some aspects of dementia. I am 44 years old. I would rather die than live with a dementia which may already be present. I am still living in a weekly motel. I still am driving a rental car which has now induced two head injuries. I still go to work at a big box store. It is really difficult to go to work in the immediate aftermath of a brain injury but I am trying my best. I just feel buried in the avalanche of my own damaged biology. I don't feel like it is a good idea for me to go on but I keep doing it like an idiot anyway. I hope you as readers do not mind these updates. I have a hard time communicating through email these days and don't want to overburden people with me being hysterical and freaking out. Every night I ask that whoever is listening will let me die in my sleep that very night but either no one is listening or my request does not matter enough. I am sorry to be depressing. I wish I could write something that is like "Everything is better! Things are great!" and not this repetitive trauma nonsense. I just wanted to give another update.

The Mountain Goats - Marsh Witch Visions (2017)

John Darnielle writes an awesome 4-part episodic biography of Ozzy's career from Black Sabbath's founding to 'No More Tears' (which rules so so much) in four songs. It felt like a good time to include this on the blog because of the recent invocation of Ozzy. For bonus Mountain Goats/Ozzy action, here is their cover of 'Shot In The Dark' (a song I love so much. The Ultimate Sin!!!)

satan laughing spreads their wings alright yeah 1.05

Wolves In The Throne Room - Thrice Woven (2017)

The fire within the earth. <3

wilting lich past the apex yet within the cone of dark 1.0

midden 1.0

Sinmara - Aphotic Womb (2014)

Like when your eyes slowly adapt to the falling darkness but if the darkness kept falling and so your eyes would become aware of the more and more that there was to see without ever being able to fix or apprehend and this process was without measure and without cease

black henbane 1.0

Undergang - Misanthropologi (2017)

How can something so inherently filthy and grimy sound so clean? Like something you pulled out of a storm drain on your way home and then washed it off sort of and put it up on your mantle or on top of your tv to admire and cherish despite the lingering odors and rather alarming bite-marks. <3

squamous lich 1.1

BMLP 666-1