My Apartment Is Killing Me

In the aftermath of my getting badly hurt twice by heavy things being dropped on our shared floor yesterday and this kind of thing going on for a year, and these injuries being progressive and neurological, i have declared to everyone in my life for a whole year that i am being badly hurt over and over and over again in ways that are leading to a permanent decline in my own being in my own self. i will never be the same again after yesterday. this is allowed to happen. i can be hurt over and over and over again in my own home and this is ok. this is america. because i am poor and disabled it is ok that i am being hurt. my life doesn't matter. other people's lives matter. they have real homes and real jobs and real work and real families. i am a pretend person who doesn't matter, like pretend money in monopoly. i tell my family i am getting hurt and they tell me they can't help. that i should open a savings account. the only person i know here is my ex and she cannot help. i have sought assistance from the local government and they have denied me. i don't know what to do. if i kill myself people will point to years of mental health problems and they will say how sad it was that i was so depressed. listen: i am telling you now. if i kill myself it is to pre-empt and prevent the years of decline and suffering brought on by being INJURED DAILY IN MY OWN HOME!!!! if this happened to you, you would sue, you would move!!! i have told my landlord, begged him for help getting out of this situation, but he cannot help me. i am so not-real that i beg and beg and beg for help for a year and like always no one can help. even if they can hear, they cannot help. i am cursed. it is my fault. if i had gone to the movies yesterday like i had wanted i wouldn't have gotten hurt, wouldn't have compromised my future AGAIN. it is my fault i am hurt. my fault. if i take my life. it is a RATIONAL DECISION. I want you to understand this. <3

after the two severe impacts yesterday, i had a migraine that lasted for over twelve hours. my neck and spine still hurt. i can feel the flushed inflammation in my skin and veins. i am badly hurt. i no longer want to live.