Status Update

Transient + Bastard Noise - Sources Of Human Satisfaction (2018)

So yeah I can listen to any number of Bastard Noise split/collaboration whatevers and they will undoubtedly wind up here with me chattering on from my skull teeth about them and how great they are and yeah i will say that it seems like noise and industrial inflected grind & hxcx is having a moment nowadays and i rather like that moment <3 nathaxnne ps this has my favorite album cover art of 2018 maybe right on S. Jordan Palmer & Alexa Simpson! <3

08202018

leaf barriers

leaf barriers,   ventilation    //    the jawbone of an ass

deflect  deflect

summer's ending

summer's ending find out how. you were wrong when you said it was no big deal. it can cost lives. the end of everything  a blast of death  what you want.  applied pushback.  haptic worry (fashion) . nitrous origin attempted : do this tangled more    a ton of bricks.

Aretha Franklin Sings 'Mary Don't You Weep' On The Soul Train Christmas Special 1979

<3 <3 <3

Aretha Franklin Sings The National Anthem On Thanksgiving In Detroit 2016

Everything about this gives me chills. Love & Hails To Thee Always Aretha <3 <3 <3

Shea Diamond - 'I Am Her' from Seen It All (2018)

this song means so much to me. thank you shea diamond <3 <3 <3 nathaxnne

Essenz - Manes Impetus (2018)

gets over on vibrating srkonk-freq into repetition repetition repetition. makes me feel better. <3

Void Rot - Consumed By Oblivion (2018)

So my jam. hooray for MN crawling death doom!!! healing necro vibes!!! <3

break

i would rather have elaborated this with greater formality and concision later on, but i am on a daily basis, struck by the terrible absurdity that while 1/3 of the American People might be open to the possibility that Hilary Clinton and Tom Hanks run an international, possibly interdimensional, satanic/reptoid/illuminati pedophile/child sacrifice operation that Donald Trump is fighting in a secret apocalyptic shadow war wherein he figures prominently as its literal messiah, policies personally agreed to by Donald Trump and Jeff Sessions and John Kelly and Kristjen Nielsen and Alex Azar and on and on and on have created an ever-expanding for-profit system of prisons and internment camps to hold children forcibly separated from their parents, camps in which they torn from their parents and flown in the middle of the night clandestinely in a manner reminiscent of how the united states shackled and hooded and flew those they wanted to torture in Guantanamo or other countries, camps in which those children are subject to coerced injections of psychotropic drugs, verbal/psychological/sexual abuse at the hands of staff and others. (When told that they could not keep separating children from their parents, the Administration has simply accelerated the Obama-era strategy of  building whole-family indefinite detention camps). This essential schism, a fundamental epistemic break in our country, worries at me above and beyond the immediate rage and sorrow and dumb horror..

*Pizzagate was a hypothesis. QAnon acts more like a religious movement. Indeed, they have taken on the purposefully evocative, deeply American mantle of a 'Great Awakening'. QAnon is fragmentary, omnidirectional, swarming. Pizzagate is disprovable, theoretically. QAnon has no real core ideology other than the cosmically-anointed rightness of Donald Trump At War With Satan.

** My best hypothesis is that QAnon is a weaponized ARG'/ITE. Recent advances in sustained mytho-narrative mass storytelling recruit individuals to become part of the narrative even as they contribute to its spread, strengthening and authoring in turn and explicitly involve blending online/IRL modalities. I initially agreed that QAnon is more than likely a 4chan/8chan troll operation. Now i am not so sure. I also think it is possible that QAnon may have begun life as a 4chan troll operation but now it can be used and authored by anyone so current provenance is unclear.

Denzel Curry - BLACK METAL TERRORIST | 13MT from TA13OO (2018) !!! DON'T WATCH OR BE CAREFUL IF SENSITIVE TO SEIZURE/MIGRAINE!!!

This song rules. Thnkx 2 pd187 for letting me know. i didn't even know there was new Denzel Curry. I am out of loop. SFLA represent always. 'I Am The Mark Of The Beast' word. <3

update 8/1/18

since i was last here i went to work with a brain injury too bad to go to work with and told co-workers there i was suicidal which got me referred to hr. i spoke to hr and assured them i was not going to be an issue but my affect was so weird that i felt it went horribly. in the immediate aftermath of a serious brain injury, every emotion gets run through an 'anger' filter so i am sure i was saying things in a way that sounded bad. i explained the whole of my situation in 5 minutes to an hr person i hadn't really spoken to before. it was a nightmare and i am still considering resigning from my job. it is VERY important to me to be professional at all times at work and the fact that i couldn't maintain in the aftermath of this brain injury makes me feel just terrible. i got my car back today and i am terrified it is damaged internally by waters and molds. it does seem to be kind of acting weird. the transmission especially. i only drove it three or four times before it flooded so i don't remember exactly. the people at the body shop were nice to me. i told them i was having difficulty communicating because of my brain injury. i think this was all covered by my insurance which i just got so i guess that is good. i am still in so much pain but i got a more powerful medicine today so i hope it will help me heal. i am terrified to go on into the future. i am terrified of dementia. my only choices though, are to live and try to apply the regimen i am using to live with brain injury or to do something to not live. i don't want to do that. i want to try and survive my brain injuries and if i can help other people survive theirs. i am very sorry if my statements have been worrisome as of late. i am trying to pull myself together. if i survive this, i am more determined than ever to pursue hrt.
thank you all for reading this and if you are friends, for being my friends. i can only hope to be as good a friend in return. <3 <3 <3 nathaxnne

ps: i don't know if my ability to write or make art has survived this round of injury but i hope it has and if it has i will continue to share it here. <3