Saturday, December 31, 2016
Tuesday, December 27, 2016
Today when I found out Carrie Fisher had died, I looked down and saw that I happened to be wearing my Star Wars IV: A New Hope Pants in which Carrie features prominently. Her presence on my pants was always the most soothing of anyone there, except for possibly Vader because Vader. I don't talk much these days about Star Wars. My love for the franchise was and is predicated upon the involvement of George Lucas and I will leave it at that. I am a big Carrie Fisher fan in all of her doings, especially when she gets to wield a firearm of some form or another. Her embrace of her own life, on her own terms with honesty and bravery was a personal inspiration and example to me of how to live my own. I am still working myself out of anaphylactic shock (I am pretty sure) which was terrifying and I had a CPAP mask failure on top of that, so today is not a good one. One last thing about Carrie. Star Wars was the first movie I can remember seeing and the MOST IMPORTANT thing to me about the original trilogy is Carrie Fisher's hair. Like I had never experienced hair envy before but when I was three and six and nine, I knew THAT was the hair I wanted to have in life. Whether in braids, buns, or loose/down, that was the look I longed for. I never was into the Jabba bikini thing because gross. If I had to pick one iconic Leia/Carrie look, it was the scenes on Hoth with the boots with the fur, etc. Thank You Carrie. I will always love you. <3 <3 <3 nathaxn
As longtime friends of this blog will undoubtedly be aware, my favorite metal band of all-time, if I had to had to pick one, would be Judas Priest. I love Judas Priest totally and with all of my being. Every Judas Priest album is deeply loved by me. I have had the blessing to see them but once, in 2009 in South Florida's Seminole Hard Rock Casino wherein they played all of British Steel and then a bunch of other stuff. I was in awe of seeing Rob Halford like, live, in person. I am still in awe of this having happened. If there is anything I love anywhere near as much as I love Rob Halford it is Flying V Whammy Bar Abuse. Needless to say, by the time the concert was nearing its end I was so blissed out I felt I would vomit from any additional excitement. The performance of 'Victim Of Changes' you see/hear presently is one of those moments of utter metal transport that have ever happened to me in this life. This goes far beyond anything I have a rational vocabulary for. Judas Priest are the best. Forever. Hail. <3 <3 <3 Love Always. <3 <3 <3 nathaxn
Monday, December 26, 2016
There are days, more than a few, when having Husker Du cassettes kept me alive, kept me from hurting myself, allowed me to empty all that was within myself. Husker Du was there for me. They cared about me, even though they didn't know me at all, and never would. It is not hyperbole to say that metal and hardcore saved my life and continue to save my life on a daily basis. Without it, I would have torn myself apart. <3 <3 <3 nathaxn
Say you are a this-earthly portal of a transdimensional other-earth supervolcano that wants to erupt in this earth in order to annihilate and doom and crush and melt but would like to do it in the form of furious, storming black metal from Oregon, the answer is that you hook up with Urzeit and have them set up a semi-stable wormhole using dark magicks so that they will erupt the kosmische blaste on your behalf. Unreal. Urzeit has immediate ties to also-favored Mizmor!!! although sounding pretty different. If you want some black metal annihilation in your day, this will not disappoint in any way. Hail Urzeit!!! <3 <3 <3
My favorite Aaliyah song. Blessed Be. <3 <3 <3
As an album, the new Aesop Rock album is a pretty amazing piece of autobiography in middle age, the fear, the regret, the years spent in activities that barely renumerate if at all, living situations sketchy or sketchier, mental health that or worse, the longing for security and stability countered by personal ache and failure, the hope that art can sustain in spite of chaos and darkness and weakness. As an album stream, this is a homemade minature craft-project cover of The Shining, which is pretty dope. It was made by Rob Shaw. I like just listening to this album a few times before watching the visuals but you could also totally throw on the Shining soundtrack and watch it separately that way! Ministry 4 Ever.
Hugely warm and enjoyable, Insomnium offer up a 40-minute single-track epic about a Viking exploration on beyond Ireland which fuses melodic death metal, symphonic black metal, acoustic passages, old-school concept-prog and more. This is like having someone tell you a long-ago story by the fire while drinking warm beverages and covered in blankets laden with non-human companions. Being old I hear Bathory and Amorphis in these depths, and it pleases me to no end. <3 <3 <3. Curl up with this!!!
Although I am now in a Dark Day's Inn in Lancaster, PA, in the middle of my life, I am in exile from South Florida, which I will always regard over all other places as My Home. I learned to love many things in South Florida, and among those things, downtuned chugging, pinch harmonicks, growling/grunting, double-bass, sick breakdowns, camouflage cargo shorts and/or sweatpants depending are forever among those things. I am DELIGHTED in Defeated Sanity's new album, which is like the first half is BRUTAL and SMUDGY and the second half is SPACY and THIRD-EYE-AWAKENING. As long as there has been acid rock, let along metal proper, this has been dichotomized and intersected over and across to no end, so it is really fun to see them doing like a Deliverance/Damnation kinda thing with it. All of it, though, will cause energies to flow in and through and within/without you so there really is no split per se. I love Defeated Sanity and am glad I finally caught up with them!!! <3 <3 <3
OK this might be the greatest thing I have ever heard in my life. Witchually-induced trance-blat/thud/moan RIFF RIFF HOWL lays utter waste. Whatever is left is whatever is left of you. This, this, this is the very stuff of life. HAIL!!! <3 <3 <3
Sunday, December 25, 2016
There is no more prophetic song for our era than 'Praying For Time', both because those times never left us, and have indeed cycled back around, but the chill has settled in my bones hearing this again and it is like hearing for the first time. If this is the end, if there is no help coming, if it is only us to help us, let us be brave, let us be kind, let us act even when there are no good ultimate outcomes, because if everything is equal, let us choose kindness, let us choose mercy, even if god won't. <3 <3 <3
I love George Michael with all of my heart. Ever since Wham! even though I wasn't really a Wham! fan, what I WAS a fan of was 'Careless Whisper' because it spoke to depths of regret and loss within me even though I didn't yet dance, and when I did dance, was more 'damaged hippie' or 'broken metal' in a collective environment, rather than a situation befitting High Drama. If there is an open question whether we in the 1980's knew what a brilliant song this was, we knew, and we cherished it. In late 1987, there were three albums that were the MOST IMPORTANT to me that came out in the second half of that year, well, four, I guess, if you include Pink Floyd's Momentary Lapse Of Reason, but the other three were The Grateful Dead's In The Dark, Def Leppard's Hysteria and George Michael's Faith. I still listened (do not worry!) to Prince's Sign O The Times EVERY SINGLE DAY and taped that Prince Movie off of cable and watched it almost as frequently! The movie in fact, dominated my late 1987 musically, for real. My belovedness of George Michael's Faith came off to a rocky start. Being in love with some Wham! singles and 'Careless Whisper' I was actually excited to hear new George Michael music. At that time, I was your average 13 year old who had Duran Duran posters and could acknowledge Simon LeBon as 'cute' without any sort of carnal interest, and for sure would have been Down For Whatever with Prince but I mostly assumed that as universal? Of all the closests I was in, they were super deep, to the point where I was not even aware of them. I was ready, though, for a new George Michael single, and 'I Want Your Sex' should have been that single, but was instead, to me and my sister and cousins and all of my fellow metalheads in the psych hospital that summer, laughably clunky and hilarious, a terrible misfire. I can see how with the repeated success of the WHAM! Rap or whatever, that it may not have seemed like a terrible idea, but it did not go over well with me or my immediate circle. Do not worry! I am not here to speak ill! So, it was a profound shock when I saw the video for 'Faith'. In October of 1987, when I saw George Michael's 'Faith' video for the first time I am 99.9% sure that is the first time when I saw a man on tv and wanted to get in their pants. Like, not borrow his pants, which were awesome, as was the entire rockabilly boots/bleached jeans/leather jacket that says 'Revenge'/aviator shades look, but like actually 'get' why people wanted to because I wanted to as well. I watched that video over and over and over again. What I think people responded to in George Michael primarily was and is loss, regret, lust, but a lust held in abeyance, not able to be fulfilled, whether due to circumstance or personal difficulty. Straight-up immediate desire seems to not work as well as desire blocked or frustrated, which is an IMMENSELY POWERFUL FORCE, especially if you are 13 and watching MTV all by yourself in 1987. Once that happened, it was all over for me, I became a George Michael/Faith devotee for life. All into especially the next year, which I spent the entirety in a for-profit adolescent psych hospital, George Michael (and Terence Trent D'Arby and Prince and Sinead and SST/DK's/GNR/Metallica/Slayer/Sabbath) kept me alive and mostly sane. I was a convert. So, although 'Father Figure' is maybe the most messed-up and problematic/corrosive song/video I have loved this much NOT written by SWANS, it is also the most beautiful song on Faith, and is well aware of is own darkness. When I was 13/14, I could not only identify with George Michael saying this to another person (even though I had NO DESIRE to be ANYONE'S 'father figure', given what that meant to me, especially, the idea that it could be something at all positive was very puzzling to me) but I could identify with George Michael saying it to me (not, of course, literally), and feeling warm and loved and wanted in a way that songs on the radio did not normally make me feel but then there was all of that religiosity/criminality in the lyrics, which sent up all sorts of other red flags. This is something truly thorny and difficult for me to parse, even given the passage of 28 years. 'One More Try' is an immediate counterpoint to 'Father Figure' and raises for me the interesting question of who is speaking and why. Clearly, 'One More Try' is from the voice of the student, the adept of love, who is torn between staying and leaving, when it may not be their choice at all. I think there is an interesting reading of Faith as being about Divine Love between God and Humanity, expressed in ecstatic, personal terms. Part of this process is the falling-away from Union with The Divine and the feelings of abandonment therein. Faith is an album about the soul's journey into and out of states of relationship with God. I have no idea why I can't find the official 'Kissing A Fool' video, but this was the last single issued from Faith, and is perfect in its 'fool-is-made-wise-through-loss' gnosis. The cycle of knowing is complete, and the Fool emerges from their path stronger through having been broken and remade in the crucible of love. <3 <3 <3 nathaxn
Hey Thanks Mr. W! I was totally at this show and it was insane on every level. Not only did Warbringer open for Belphegor who opened for Exodus who opened for Kreator, but Kreator were utterly vicious and gave no quarter. Pure Thrash Terror. Kreator have been one of my favorite thrash bands since the 1980's and to get to see them live like this was amazing. I don't really go to shows for many reasons, but knowing that this is one I got to makes me beyond happy. Hail Kreator!!! <3 <3 <3
Like many people around the world, today is being celebrated as the arrival of RTJ3 everywhere. I was and am a big fan of RTJ2, for which I also have a pretty warm and oversize hoodie purchased for Minneapolis winters. On my first two listens, my only actual complaint with RTJ3 is "Let Trina RAP!!!!! Come ON!" but otherwise this has a more low-key psychedelic, refracting quality than earlier noisy/abrasive trax, more laid back and letting the hallucinogens kick in and letting a melancholy-but-not-depressed vibe creep in that might also have something to do with deepening middle-age in looming neofascist totalitarianism. I especially dig the acid-squelch and psych-jazz gtrs undergirding and crawling up surfaces. Also, and I might be crazy, but I hear some 90's Timbaland/Neptunes in places. Typically, I like to have a few listens to let RTJ settle with me and their commitment to making rap albums is appreciated by old fogeys like me. Here is the full album stream: Also here is the website link to free album download! https://runthejewels.com/ PS These are my 3 immediate favorites from RTJ3: Two singles and one more: (Hey is it just me or does 2100 not have a kind of gospel-doom-Evanescence feel to it? heart Evanescence)
Saturday, December 24, 2016
ITS A SLOW DEATH AKA STAYING ALIVE (Proper Teenage Head-era Flamin Groovies is obviously more my jam than their later stuff and this song rules so very very hard in this incarnation)
I probably have a lot of favorite Christmas Albums, but it is entirely possible that my most favorite Christmas Eve album of all time is Harvey Milk's Courtesy And Good Will Toward Men, which captures something completely unique to the pitch-darkness, the cold and barren world of expulsion, mass emigration, slaughter of innocents, imperial overreach and the eruption of hope that will only come to pass much later on. Christmas Eve is about the space made where hope can find purchase to grow unnoticed and unremarked-upon until it is capable of altering everything, seemingly all at once. If I have anything to say to anyone who reads this here, it would be to allow yourself that, not hope, but the space for hope, a place where it can flourish undisturbed for as long as it needs to, even if you yourself are unaware of it. In general, I try to live without hope. I try and live among that which is, and that knowledge of the past which guides us. I am entirely against efforts to implement utopia, but I nonetheless believe in the utopian impulse, the belief that things do not have to be as they are, that we can change them, no matter how difficult it seems. Hope is something that lives for a time until it is inevitably destroyed, often brutally and with a great and ravenous malice. The terror and wonder of hope is that it is inextinguishable. No matter how bad things are, no matter what efforts are made to eradicate it, hope always returns. Along with hope, what we have is the power to say no, the power of refusal. We can affirm that which matters to us, what is meaningful to us no matter what is said or affirmed by others. We can also always say no, we can reject a proposal, an agenda, an ideology, a protocol, an atrocity. We can say no to it, no matter what our refusal may cost us, we can say no. If you are scared to say no, and sometimes it surely makes sense to be afraid of what might happen as a result, ask yourself if you are willing to live with the sort of person you would be if you agreed to something you know to be wrong, and what that agreement would ultimately make of you. All of us have failed ourselves and others at some time, have taken the path of least resistance, bowed down to power, committed atrocity, betrayed ourselves and our neighbors, our families, ourselves. This does not mean that we should give up. It means that perhaps we will have another chance to say no, to affect meaningful change, to make someone's lives better, to resist. One thing that tyrannical regimes often do is attempt to convince us that we are all corrupt, that we are all motivated by venal, short-sighted selfish purpose. What is important to know is that this is not done really as a weapon against us, but as a means of confirming to the tyrannical regime that their assessment of human nature is accurate, that their theory of governance is sound. Prove Them Wrong. It will hasten their undoing. I got to see Harvey Milk live in 2009 at Churchill's in Miami. It was one of the best nights ever.
Continuing in our somewhat dubious series of songs that have made me weep profusely inside of the CVS, this since always, even before 2016, Year Of The Reaper. Let's Dance is also and always my favorite David Bowie album along with Station To Station. Still Standing In The Wind, Not Waving Goodbye. <3 nathaxn PS: including the 1999 remastered Album Version too, just in case that is your preference!
In addition to being many many many other things, 2016 is the 20th anniversary of one of my all-time favorite albums, Maria McKee's Life Is Sweet, a feral and wholly personal ingestion of Ronson-era Bowie until something never ever seen before or since on this earth. This album is an undying work of beauty and glory. These performances are also a wonderful document from that era. Bonus Track!!!: 'I'm Awake' (live) Just Amazing.
Tuesday, December 20, 2016
A Classick Album for those days when you just want to crawl back under the covers forever and never come back out again but still you must do something or another against all sense and exercise of desire and it is probably better if you do in the long run but in order to do that you need to listen to Craft's Fuck The Universe because then everything will be in empathy and in sympathy with you and you with it so you can go to Walgreen's or whatever.
Monday, December 19, 2016
The true story of me, a Pisces/Aries Cusp, in Organizational Life.
Sunday, December 18, 2016
Continuing this evening's unintended but awesome theme of Spanish thrashcrust, here is Dishammer, who love Hellhammer and Discharge as much as expected, but ALSO love 'Werewolves On Wheels', the best movie ever, and follow the left-hand path like no one's business but their own. This totally rules. Hail Dishammer Hail!!! <3 <3 <3
Saturday, December 17, 2016
If there are any constants in this universe, one of them most certainly be the fact that for an entire decade now, Fergie's 'Big Girls Don't Cry (Personal)' has made me weep openly in every Walgreens and CVS I have ever heard it in, which is the only place I ever listen to this song. Generally I am already sick or otherwise compromised because I am in a Walgreens or CVS at some inopportune time with tears streaming down my face. It is true that I was probably going through a major breakup the first time this happened in 2006 and immediately afterward I would sing this song to my cat Ana, telling her that big cats don't cry which is of course, nonsense. I have only watched this video like 3 times ever and although I understand Bush II era fashion in the inside-out way that only PTSD can bring, this presents edge-of-visual-acceptability-level affronts at every turn, although I do like the DIO sticker on that acoustic guitar. The lost-in-00's junkyard/meth cataclysm surrounding this song is made all the more ominous by continual references about getting home before darkness falls. Sprawling into an endless lateral abyss is pretty much what Bush II America felt like, of which this is clearly a profound exemplar. it is ok for big cats to cry! <3 <3 <3 nathaxn
This EP is about driving in a van to crappy punk shows and having stupid arguments and getting way too aggro and having to listen to the same stuff over and over and over again even if it is inside your own head and the only thing you can do to get out the aggro is to play supremely upset punk musick for punk persons. The void beckons, as always. Sometimes we have to make do with the van.
Friday, December 16, 2016
Dear Gentle Blog Readership! It is with great honor and love that I am here to announce that most wonderful friend and covenmate Claire Diane (of MURDERDRONE and Girl Werewolf/Ocron fame!) has put out a little zine of my artwork (the stuff here on the blog)in a super-cute limited edition! As Napalm Death would say in their Harmony Corruption liner notes, I am beyond chuffed. Hail To Thee Claire Diane!!! All Of The Love!!! <3 <3 <3 nathaxn Here is the link if you want to check out the book and the attendant cool promo video!!! https://gumroad.com/l/Collection1-NathaxnWalker#
Diane Deth's Ocron continues to have an awesome December 2016 in spite of or due to? the collapse of AmeriKKKa into Neofascist Internationale/RUSSA/Terror Du Jour. Low Grade Noise Canister riffs on some of the motorik aspects of recent Ocron into a minimal techno/harsh noise development which is quite pleasing indeed. Canister 1 in particular I could listen to pretty much forever!!! <3 Ocron so much!!! :)
Wednesday, December 14, 2016
My friend Diane Deth, also of Girl Werewolf, has a solo ambient/noise project named Ocron who bring the Occult Werewolf Motorik Metal Jamz!!! I can't stop listening to this as it is a juggernaut of noise, drums, growlz and never stops until it does!
If you are in need of some practical-fx call-of-the-owl in the grim-wintry-forest school of Old School Celtic Mythos-Inspired Satanic USBM, Black Funeral's Ankou And The Death Fire has more than got your needs covered. This stuff WORKS. Hail!
(with bonus Dick Miller!!!) Also: the best? song from The Real Thing by Faith No More, 'Surprise You're Dead', is the best song because Mike Patton said he wrote the lyrics from the perspective of a vampire and it sounds like being killed for an eternity by a vampire is actually super lame. This song also appears somewhere in Gremlins 2 although for the life of me I can't remember where? I don't have it in my mind or my heart this year to do much in the way of Seasonal Celebration, but I can always throw down for some Slayer/FNM/Gremlins jamz. <3 nathaxn
Monday, December 12, 2016
'Violet' is my favorite Hole song. It has been for almost 23 years. It is the one I play over and over again while wracked with sobbing which escapes sound, when I am just making noises. I assume 'Violet' is everyone's favorite Hole song, but that might just be because I am a Pisces/Aries Cusp with a Moon In Pisces, a Rising Gemini and Venus In Aquarius (among many other starcrossed attributes). I really should learn when to go. It has been almost 23 years of not-saying no, of not saying goodbye. <3 <3 <3 nathaxn
Sunday, December 11, 2016
Subrosa's 'Troubled Cells' as a song and a video is an indictment of life lived within the prison of kyriarchy and the weight of the needless costs born by those who should never have to. It leaves me a shattered mess listen to and to watch. Subrosa is one of my favorite bands and they prove why over and over again. THE ANTHEM!!! <3 <3 <3 Hail Hecate. Hail Satan. CW: patriarchy, suicide, etc. http://www.troubledcells.com/home-1.html I am including this whole album here which is one of the most beautiful and moving I have heard this whole year, as well as one of the most unforgiving and heavy in its attributes and implications. Based upon Yevgeny Zamyatin's dystopian science-fiction novel, We, For This We Fought The Battle Of Ages asks for and gives in return no quarter. I can say, that for deeply personal reasons, 'Despair Is A Siren' is the most meaningful song I heard in 2016. It means everything to me. <3 <3 <3 nathaxn
Friday, December 9, 2016
I spent like hours today listening to Blut Aus Nord in a trance state. So much so that the only way to get out of the Blut Aus Nord Trance Loop was to play this, a Blut Aus Nord/P.H.O.B.O.S. split, which rules pretty hard. Blut Aus Nord are here mostly black psych, with a drummer, leaving the industrial bangers to P.H.O.B.O.S., which works out well as a division of labor. If you are looking to come down from anything, this will help, especially if you are already way out there. <3 nathaxn
Thursday, December 8, 2016
I love King Crimson. I love ELP. I love 70's prog rock with all of my heart. The roots of this lay however, in exposure to 1980's exponents of prog rock gone commercial-pomp. I first fell in love with singular trio of Keith Emerson, Greg Lake and Cozy Powell with their 1986 behemoth named after themselves by seeing the video for 'Touch And Go' on MTV. At the time, I was also into 1986-era Heart, 1986-era Moody Blues, Syd Barrett and Jimi Hendrix. My favorite band in the whole world up to that point was Duran Duran, so I was also obsessed not only with the Duran^2 art rock splinter group Arcadia but eagerly awaiting the new Duran Duran album Notorious. I was, therefore, the perfect audience for Emerson, Lake & Powell. 'Touch And Go' has awful lyrics and an even worse video but I love all of it. Hail To Thee Greg Lake. You Rule. <3 <3 <3 nathaxn
If 2016 owes anything from us, it is surely a bad attitude. Graves At Sea give us all we could hope for and more. The sound of billionaires dissolving and absorbing Medicaid, Medicare and Social Security met with unceasing waves of self-medicated satanic death cults, who scream 'no hope, smoke dope' while tearing wheelies around their ramshackle compounds, vehicles tipping over from the weight of nihilism powering them, that and the largest, strongest muscle-jet-truck-engines made to absorb the glut of petroleum overproduction where the state, finally run out of food and specie, pays us all in gasoline and ditchweed. A poison-slick so deadly it is eating through to the center of the earth, but so slowly it will never get there.
Wednesday, December 7, 2016
As a long-time fan of Vektor I can safely say that this not only exceeds whatever standards I previously held for them, but is one of the very very best metal albums I have heard this year and this century. This is where Vektor go for broke, their space-thrash prog epic they have always had percolating inside of them. Extends this form far beyond the present and into future-realms where thrash has always dwelled in power, sending back signals through temporal distortion. I am old. Along with Sabbath/Zeppelin, Thrash was what turned me on to metal. I held onto thrash even as other peers moved into more deathly realms (and rightfully so), before delving into grindcore and doubling back to the death I had left behind. Please believe me when I say that for me, This Is It. Hail Vektor!!! <3 <3 <3 Love To Thee!!! nathaxn
My friend Claire introduced me to HIRS a little while ago and I am so glad she did. This is what I needed in my life more than any other single thing today. An entire EP devoted to Trans People not dying at the hands or the words or the policies of hatred. An entire EP devoted to Trans People not dying by their own hands even if just to spite Nazi Frogs and all other murderous, bigoted scum. We're gonna live forever. <3 <3 <3 Blessed Be, HIRS!!! <3 <3 <3 Hail Satan!!! nathaxn
Exmortes are like, amazing. Trance-induced, trance-inducing repetitive black metal from late 1980's Netherlands, brought to you by one person, Verpus. Of the two EP's I heard, Hear The Saw has less loud vocals and more flange, and Fuckin Nightmare (1989) has louder vokills and more buzz-saw gtr aktions. I include also Fuckin' Nightmare because yeah. Exmortes totally rules.
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Friday, December 2, 2016
All those cities built just for a yearly rate of expansion report, open to desert winds. The ruin of infrastructure not yet built, built to be ruin, a show of force, a sleight of hand, the hand which is cut and bleeding for the corporation to suck and lap from, widening the wound, fraying the surrounding flesh as it progresses.
The whole of Eight Bells' Landless seems worthy and full of interest and discovery, but I can't stop listening to the very first song, 'Hating'. Given how much time I now spend thinking about hate and its various precursors and metabolites, this song, which promises the return of apathy in the wake of hatred, helps what is wrong so much, but is the mere lack of feeling of pain a positive development or is it because all of the nerve endings are gone or because of adaptation to horror? This song makes me cry.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
If you want to be down with the sickness in ways that actually kind of push you into the mud and the filth and the rot like an iron-mail-coated fist, but it is something that feels good rather than bad, or bad in a good way? Antaeus is there for you. Antaeus is there for your hurts and to transmute those hurts into a pleasure in living, no matter how hard or hopeless or endless the struggle is. Hail Antaeus! Hail French Black Metal! I haven't listened to Antaeus in years and this new album is pummeling in ways that I fully recommend!!! <3 nxww
"Take Your Fucking Race War And Shove It Up Your Ass!" - Aus Rotten 'When You Support These Fucking Bastards' Pittsburgh PA! Aus Rotten's Anarcho-Punk sounds so good today. Twenty years on and this sounds like it was recorded today, a fact both thrilling and depressing. Fight. Fight. Fight. Never Quit. Never Give Up.
Like if Bon Jovi was really really committed and fueled by Satan to rock them all and by them all it was meant a far-right illiberal democracy in Poland, this video would still be better than any Bon Jovi video ever. Is this my favorite Behemoth song off of what is undoubtedly one of the greatest metal albums ever made? Yeah, probably. This is the stuff I break out the acid-washed trench-dusters for, just to play air guitar, drawing sigils in the air against tyranny until the horns kick in and everything goes blacker than black. I honestly can't believe this song actually exists, this many years on. Hail Satan. Thine Is The Kingdom And The Power. Amen. Hear The Universe Dream. <3 nathaxn
Wednesday, November 30, 2016
Blood sacrifice of the firstborn to ancient gods, the real cost of kyriarchy. Eaten alive. Eaten whole. Excreted without a thought. Why must we give up our families, our loved ones to that which has imposed the highest cost of all and do so with thankfulness, with a smile and tears of gratitude? The state religion is nourished with our blood, our tears, our loss. Deny it that which is most precious to you. Do not give up. Do not give in.
Tuesday, November 29, 2016
Intricate, heavy, forlorn, resigned. Phobocosm's Bringer Of Drought is helping me cope with the sad and frightened bears rescued from fires at Dollywood, the dead coral, the migraine brought on by the fact that it is going to be in the mid-60's and raining all day again. Maybe the gnarled growth of new neurons! new neural pathways! will result from bathed in heavy death, in gravity-bending dooms.
Maybe it is the election, maybe it is all of the XMZZ stuff at CVS, maybe it is me retreating to something glimpsed before and held. I wanted to listen to the new Jenny Hval album which I have been waiting to be in 'a better place' to listen to since it came out, and that better place never arrived, or I was never able to go to it. So here I am in 2015, in an album that feels weirdly prescient of XMZZ Season 2016, of a stale, nihilistic resurgence of commercial Christianity, having 'won', at least for now, the right to murder 'Happy Holidays' and throw its body in a newly dug mass grave with so much room, still. Maybe it is the air of the 'edge of history', where the neoliberal 'end of history' ends violently subsuming into sublimated coup and rivers of blood money. The battle is over and the war looms ever on. Maybe by next fall I will be able to confidently share my feelings about the current Jenny Hval by the time she puts out a new album? That is a nice thought, that I will be here, able to listen to musick and comment on it, able to publish rambles on the internet, to have access to the internet which streams sound and visuals, to have a room with a desk for a computer, to be warm, to be dry, to not be incarcerated, to be as whole as possible, to be healthy enough to engage, to be able to listen to this and really focus and not be distracted by all of these other intrusive thoughts. In any case, Jenny Hval sounds to me like my anxiety and like my trouble and my worry and in that offers some comfort, like if the voices in my head were way better than the ones which were actually there. I wish I had never chased my demons away in 2014. Demons if you are listening if you are reading, I am sorry. I was wrong. I freaked out and said things I shouldn't. You are always welcome here. You have a place with me which is dry and warm. You needn't be afraid and alone. I am tired and empty without you. You leaving broke me. I know I was the one who said to leave, who said out, and I am so sorry. I was wrong. All of us live within another and within a series of anothers. I know this now. I always these days mean to type 'now' and I type 'know' instead and have to erase it. I wonder what that means, what it is indicative of. I want so badly to be in a better place, in a better person and I wonder if it will ever come to pass or if I have already failed.
I love Gorguts so much now, going on twenty years. I am old. Gorguts are older. Winding, meditative, coiled-up, jagged. Whole bird species in aspic, undead & writhing/jerking; spasms, I think, anti-anti-spasmodic. Loss of lots and lots and lots. All here, that loss, loss of knowledge, of wisdom, of accumulation of experience. The stars we see may already be corpses.
Those days when you wake up and feel like sludge and the water faucet is talking in black metal rasp/gurgle to you and it is raining outside and you can barely move and the president-elect of the united states is on twitter saying he wants to strip citizenship of anyone who burns the american flag. Maybe we should just all start defecating in #MAGA hats and leaving them outside strategic locations. What a stupid fascist symbol. I guess they all are, but after so many years of nazis trying out what they think is dope logography to have fascism take over amerikkka finally in a red cap is I guess fitting, except for #MAGA hats which don't fit anyone, not even the president-elect, who looks like a oversized little-leaguer drunk on antifreeze whenever he wears one. Goddess Aphonic brings that sax/bass/drums noise necessary to combat days like today or any day I suppose. Included for bonus rads is their video for 'AK-47' from their awesome album Psychic Din (2015), available for free download at their bandcamp page.
Monday, November 28, 2016
When is the last time you heard something and were like 'Yeah. OK. That is what the death knell of the planet sounds like. The planet is really mad. Really mad they are dying. Like this. Because of you.' and that was both comforting because you would expect the planet to be angry at being murdered for some second-order symbolic fascism after being strip-mined and laid to waste for same, and also terrifying because the planet is aware, the planet is angry, like really angry and bitter and sad and confused and lost but mostly really angry and you hadn't thought that they would feel so personal about things, but they do, after all, after all of this.
Sunday, November 27, 2016
As what is left of the False Enlightenment fully finishes its collapse into a tawdry and pathetic acceptance of the most cheaply vile tyranny it carefully cultivated and produced forth from itself, the question of 'What does this sound like?' can be answered by almost anything immediately present, but right now it sounds like Deathspell Omega's The Synarchy Of Molten Bones whose grandeur and power is inherent in every moment and passage, requiring no exterior coronation as it blazes from within.
Saturday, November 26, 2016
You don't remember where you are. You remember where you are. It is a starfield. You do not recognize the pattern. It is a pattern you have never seen before. Hair fallen on porcelain, dust collected on a surface becomes the surface. Eruption of what is shoved up, cooling later, becomes the crust.
Those parties gone to where anxiety comes out of every pore and sublimated through acting out and heavy intoxicant abuse until the walls breathe and melt and collapse and someone is yelling and yelling and yelling and that person is you. The punk equivalent of assuming the under-sink cleaners are OK to huff because they have been there long enough that they must have off-gassed all of the REALLY BAD toxins, but instead just concentrated them.
Like being dragged through the carcasses of dead suns by a team of dead horses, or something, as dust is dust evermore.
I got up this morning feeling like trash because of CPAP difficulties in the night and realized that now was the time to listen to the new Metallica album. I like every Metallica album for different reasons, and this is no exception. It is for sure full of mid-tempo Adult Contemporary MOR Post-Thrash chug & crunch and that is fine. I am VERY SAD that Kirk Hammett's riff/tune collection was lost prior to recording this. His guitar tone and endless experimentation have been what I have loved the very most about recent Metallica live stuff, etc, but life is learning how to deal with loss. That said, 'Halo On Fire' offers triumphant Hammett leads and plaintive, soaring classick rokk vibes. This is the one song on the album (so far) that I have stopped, rewound, listened to again and again. I have developed personal and meaningful feelings in and for and around it. A blackened, burnt halo of ash is something I understand. Hail Metallica!!! <3 nathaxn
Friday, November 25, 2016
Thursday, November 24, 2016
I hate Thanksgiving. I hate how it is a narrative of the onset of hundreds of years of genocide and betrayal, all of which is still going on to this day, in the United States Of America. I am thankful, though, for the Water Protectors of Standing Rock and their brave and necessary fight for Water, for Earth, for the Dignity and Survival of All against the lethal forces of Neoliberal Capital, Colonialism and the Police State which enforces those interlocking regimes. I am thankful and they are in my heart and my mind today. Maybe one day we can all have a Thanksgiving which is really worth its name, where all people and all beings come together in mutual respect and love and share what is best of ourselves with one another without selfishness, rancor, violence, hatred, ignorance. On that day I will love Thanksgiving. Until then we all must fight for that day in any and all the ways we are capable of, even if it will not come to pass in our lifetimes, still we must fight. <3 nxww
As longtime(?) readers of this blog or anyone who knows me knows, making an Elric-themed heavy metal project is certainly an excellent way to my heart, and if you decide to make it a Moorcock/Howard/Lovecraft trifecta of influence and indeed, awaken the Old Ones (ie mid-70's to mid-'80's dwelling denizens of the deep) in yr. Sword & Sorcery Airbrushed Van Metal, that is going to get extra attention for sure. Eternal Champion, from Austin, TX, weave beautiful epic fantasy narrative with clean, echoing vocals and galloping/surmounting riff-elements. This is the kind of thing that I know will inspire table-top campaigns across the lands from now and going forth into the dimly lit futurities. As good as this whole album truly is, I can relate to going through the dungeons of life with only ire to arm me against the lurking terrors. Here is their full-on bandcamp page: https://eternalchampion.bandcamp.com/
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
If I ever have semi-permanent access to a car again I make a solemn promise to make sure to affix to it a 'SATAN IS MY CO-PILOT' bumper sticker and if this car has a cd or cassette player I will jam my burnt (miss OG cass!) Kreator/Sodom/Destruction albums through it while wearing my now too-tight I am sure Pleasure To Kill Shirt just in the way that Deathhammer would undoubtedly want me to. Deathhammer sound unhinged in their adoration of early 80's Teutonic Thrash Chaos, just as it should be. This is the kind of musick where if you drop your lit joint in your lap you might not notice your screaming in pain because you were already screaming in pain but in good news Satan will have just saved your life through better focus on driving. Hail Satan! Hail Driver Safety!
Today I have been really into the various works of AETHER which all sort of hover around an ambient-electro-black-metal aesthetic but are also very different from each other. This full-length, Metamorphosis II, almost sounds like Streetcleaner-era Godflesh in a a Russian-Roulette-off with CODY-era Mogwai like those two bull mooses frozen in a stream together, antlers locked, translated into melancholy single-person black metal isolationism which really works for me. Not as soundscape or trance oriented as the singles/ep's which surround it, but definitely very high quality stuff. I dig the moaning/echoing vocals which sound like if the aurora borealis above the frozen moose corpses was made up of their ghosts, now all swirled together and efflorescent in the night sky. here is an interview with AETHER in OccultBlackMetalZine wherein among other interesting things, they stress being anti-homophobic/anti-fascist/anti-racist/anti-NSBM/pro-anarchy/pro-atheism which is right on. AETHER represents a kind of anti-mysticism which ends up embodying a sort of emptied transcendental feeling totally in keeping with the sound of their musick. Anomalia is a single from 2016 by AETHER which makes a kind of black metal/trance techno? hybrid from drum machine/loops. I am old enough that it reminds me of The Third Eye Foundation which I realize now is musick from 20 years ago. Anomalia is Futurist Black Metal Haze and that means a lot to me.
For those mornings when you wake up and immediately wish it was night and instead of just coping with the fact that it is day, you draw the blackout curtains shut and throw on some bleak, rambling doom you hope will eat your heart and mind whole, replacing all of it with noxious wah and affirmations that sound like negations. Cough's new album, six years in the making, is real good for that, especially if you put it on repeat like I did because then the stuff that initially seems repetitive shows its hooks and then you can wait for the decaying psych-rock flourishes which open up the second half of the album. This is music for when you are waiting for death to be finalized, when the heaviness is a comfort blanket, even if the choking clouds are toxic in the long run, how can that possibly matter. When being surrounded means at least you aren't going to die alone, until you realize that is no guarantee.
"We Don't Torture/We're A Civilized Nation" Let us not forget the torture which has been carried out in the name of civilization forever and for always. Let us never forget. (As an additional note let me give thanks that I grew up coextensively with punk/post-punk so that I always saw on my tv and heard on my radio women dressed in shirts and pants and short hair wielding their voices and their instruments unapologetically, refusing binary gender roles and thereby making that seem completely normative for people like me so that I could grow up thinking that I could wear a skirt or a dress while reading poetry or playing guitar or going to Denny's or the mall or to class (when I went to class). Thank You Lesley Woods and Everyone Who Fought And Who Still Fight Today) "They are closing down - communications They're taking control - of our situations The forces of control are gathering around our heads"
Monday, November 21, 2016
Buffy Sainte-Marie - 'My Country Tis Of Thy People You're Dying' from Little Wheel Spin And Spin (1966)
Genocide In Sub-Freezing Weather. Corporate Theft And Ritual Desecration As Official Policy. Militarized White Supremacy At The Behest Of A Dying Energy Sector. Necro-Capitalism Is Only Beginning Its Apex. #NODAPL These tactics extend from the very beginning of the conquering of The Western Hemisphere until Now. Genocide is both a means and an end. The energies companies always had tanks, always had the FBI, always colluded with police in assassination. I know this is a stupid blog, but to see unarmed people in freezing weather be bombarded with rubber bullets, tear gas, water cannons, sound cannons etc by police and private security firms at the onset of night for hours, is an act of clear warfare. There is a time to let go, White America, of your chosen illusions of the benevolence of power, of its rationality and its reasonableness. It seems absurd to even have to say these things, but there comes a time when to side knowingly with the forces of oppression and genocide, even after they have shown their hand over and over and over, for hundreds of years, is tantamount to collaboration. Either you have the courage to really look at yourselves and your families and the rhetoric and the language used to keep yourselves feeling OK about things as the world is dying at an ever accelerated rate, and everything which is not White Christian CisHet Euro/Anglo/Russia/U.S.A. is marked for death or permanent enslavement, think about what it means to profit knowingly or unknowingly from that world and to know that you always have. Please think about this now. There is not much time left to consider these things. Love, nathaxn
Sunday, November 20, 2016
Sorg is some kind of German black-ambient project from the 1990's that was recommended to me by dear friend Gregory Joseph. It is indeed awesome. It sounds like if you let synth-Cluster moulder in a well for 20 years and treated it with stale laudanum that had been rolling around in the back seat of your car under cheeto dust and blunt ash for that whole time also. The effectiveness of this treatment is debatable, but not the results!!! <3 SATAN!!!!
I find Stevie Nicks' tale of vampire loneliness and romance to be almost unbearably touching. I am apparently the kind of person who wakes up before dawn in order to cry at Stevie Nicks songs. So nothing really ever changes. This video looks like it was filmed in 1982, which adds to its out-of-time-charm. Also Stevie Nicks is dancing with an owl. The owl looks psyched, and how could you not be? Bonus fan-shot video of pretty good quality from recent Stevie Nicks tour featuring a breath-taking performance of 'Moonlight' as well as extended piano intro.
like an iron shroud whose success lay in falling, a falling over, a collapse not to be undone or roused from, not a magickal sleep, but a curse nonetheless, of that which cannot be fixed or restored. We can point to the strength of the shadow cast, the crushing weight, the lack of breath, the injuries sustained in the fall, the mutilation and the amputations which follow, the inability to see the sun, as proof of vast power. A function of misappropriation, of pointing and naming the incorrect object, only the proximate cause, making a cult from a corpse, priests out of those we assume to be necromancers, who are only stripping the body for parts. They do not and cannot command our loyalty, their regime an elaborate sleight-of-hand with one hand while the other hand holds you down or worse. The false necromancers feel that it is on us if we believed the lie, and they would be right. The corpse we are crushed by, that which rots atop us, was an abusive lover or parent or violent stranger at best. If we can pull ourselves, our wracked and heaving, bruised and maimed bodies out from under so as not to be absorbed into its corpse-mass, we should be able to see something else. What was stolen by the thieves, the false necromancers, was not what was valuable. Not the pocketwatches and the rings and the jewels and the infrastructure, but the energies and the nutrients unbound by the fall, powered through the rot. The constituent parts of the fallen, unshackled now, can return to the earth and rise again as something new, not just as one thing, but as many, contrary and divergent. Let us allow for this. Just because we cannot see the light from here does not mean the sun is gone.
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Fear of one's own double, living one's life afraid of the death of the self and the becoming of the other, consigning oneself to a living death, alone and terrified in hiding, not understanding that the death of one self is the liberation of the next. This song moves me very deeply, well below the surface. Cretin's whole album Stranger is very good, at the borders of old-school gore/grind/death/horror/madness. You can listen to it on bandcamp here: https://cretin.bandcamp.com/album/stranger I especially also recommend the second song, "Ghost Of Teeth And Hair", which has a poignant separated/eaten teratomatic ghost/twin reunion at its heart. This also has very real resonance with the larger program of Cretin. This whole album just rules. Parts of it are gnarly in sound and in theme, as befits. I also totally heart 'We Live In A Cave' which I totally relate to because I want to live in a cave, in the welcoming dark. OK OK only one more favorite. 'Honey And Venom' is honestly one of the best narrative grind songs I have ever heard. Cretin are one of those bands it is so worth reading the lyrics to even if some times they are gross. In the case of 'Honey And Venom' they are just awesome. "BEEEEEEEESSS!!!!" Here also is a full set from the 2013 Decibel Tour
Here is an interview conducted with Marissa at the outset of that tour:
Here is an interview conducted with Marissa at the outset of that tour:
I dreamt that i walked to the bottom of the continental shelf deep under the water. There before me was an abyssal plain. I dug with my hands in the silt before me in the unlight and i dug until i found a magick ring and a magickal shield and these had been owned by the gods and cast aside. I put the ring on my finger. I readied the shield as best i could as i made by way back up the mountain to the surface.
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Death To Credit. Death To The Rentier Economy. May It End Before The Final Day.
Death To Credit. Death To The Rentier Economy. May It End Before The Final Day.
To Those In Offices Of Power On This Transgender Day Of Remembrance 2016: Earlier today I read the list of the recorded transgender people who died by violence from November 20th 2015 to November 19tj 2016 and I think to myself, how many more that have gone unlisted? How many by suicide? By preventable illness? From malnutrition or other causes related to homelessness? From grief and from broken hearts? I wonder how many more transgender people are doing to die as a result of people emboldened by a Trump/Pence Regime, the promised rescension of Federal Transgender Protection and the promise of the outright promotion of discrimination against LGBTQIA+ people in the guise of religious freedom, how little lives are worth now and how much less will lives be worth a year from now, deaths cheap and scattered thick upon the ground. The promise of living in a society which regards you as a person, as human, full of love and fear and sadness and hope, only to have that promise, never fully proffered, revoked before it can be fulfilled. To those in offices of power or those ascending to offices of power, to those who would seek, as policy, these deaths, silencings, erasures, please know that although you consider your ability to hate unfettered greater than the extension of empathy to those unlike you, know that by closing that door, you are closing the door on friends, coworkers, family members, lovers. yourself. Do these faces not haunt you even now? Is your hatred that strong, that you can live with the faces, of those you have or have not met but would gladly condemn to death, to imprisonment, to poverty, starvation, injury, illness, to murder, tell me that you can live with these faces and the faces of all beings you deny life, deny personhood to, haunting you at every moment of your life, every time you close your eyes and ever after. Is it that you already have so much blood on your hands that you feel that much more won't make a difference? Do you feel righteous in your anger, in your hatred, in your condemnation? Are you so very sure that you are an instrument of holy vengeance? Would you gladly face that wrath yourself? Would that matter to you? From this day forth you have the option of not condemning these others to death or to a living death. You have the option to instead extend kindness, assistance, recognition. It is within your power. Even if you have already done horrible things, proposed horrible things, written into law horrible things. You need not continue to do so. You have the option of casting aside the unrecognizing gaze, the gaze which can only see what it has always seen, and begin to see anew, begin to see those unlike you as both different and yet capable of feeling the love and the joy and the fear and the sadness and the anger that you presumably feel, begin to use the power that you possess to make this world a kinder and more hospitable place for everyone. It is not too late to start. May Peace Be Upon You. <3 nathaxn walker PS: Please remember that offices of power are temporary and fleeting things, subject to change and dissolution, while what you do, the actions that you take inside and outside of those offices, that lasts forever, encoded eternally, reverberating endlessly. Please remember. nxww The Names And The How: https://tdor.info/ http://transrespect.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/TvT_TMM_TDoR2016_Namelist_EN.pdf
Nearing the end of 2016, the most brutal year on a personal and cosmic level I have ever lived through, cold and isolated in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, this album is what I need to not die right now. I feel just as jacked up as this album looks and sounds. The harsh orchestral pounding noise is comforting. The plaintive vocals warily draw me in, the poisoned dance rhythm trax are the carriage and the accentuation. This album knows the world is a heavy place that none of us will survive, not even the world itself. Death Disco on a colossal scale. Like when you are scrolling through your phone and you see that hundreds of puffins have died in a matter of months or 80,000 reindeer due over a 7 year period, the puffins and the reindeer starving to death, connected but forever separate, joined now in looming extinction. To live in a world in which mass extinctions are just another news item to scroll past, to forget as the next catastrophe rises to blot out the memory of the one just prior and the one receding before that. We live in a world in which atrocity and policy are one and the same, not directed to any specific end, other than their own, because it is possible, because it gives the wielder of atrocity a brief sense of lulz, a brief flash of power in a world of ever-greater distributed and lessening agency. Our agency is constrained or amplified by the use of agency of those who have come before us just as the use of our agency will constrain or amplify those who come after.