Dear Friends And Readers:
I am badly hurt every day by living in this apartment. I wake up. I get hurt. I go to the bathroom. I get hurt. I sit down to write or eat. I get hurt. I get hurt over and over and over again every day. I get hurt in ways that are permanently affecting my speech, my motor functions and my cognition. I am getting hurt so badly I can't work anymore as an f-ing GREETER in a big box store. The only reason this is happening is because I live in a dangerously unsafe apartment. Before I lived here, I was spending MY ENTIRE DISABILITY ALLOTMENT ON HOUSING, a full $1100+ a month on living in an f-ing weekly motel right on an f-ing interstate highway. I have been living in hell for a year. I am not going to do it anymore. I don't care anymore if I am homeless. I don't want to be alive. I turn 45 in one week and i am going to turn 45 here, in a living hell of brain injury. I am leaving here and I don't care if I die. I have told my family, my therapist, my job, the state, my landlord, the flower shop, EVERYONE that I am being hurt neurologically every day in such a profound manner that it is destroying the person that i am. I can't write anymore. I can't draw anymore. I can't think anymore. I can't work at a F-ing big box store anymore. I refuse to be hurt like this anymore even if it means my death. Fuck This. NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE
every week i run out of food and medicine and gas anyway. this is not a life i can live. fuck this.
yesterday i tried to use the last of my money to get reishi mushroom powder bc it helps but i didn't have enough money so i just couldn't get it. i go without lots of medicine that helps brain function all the time because i can't afford it. i can't afford the medically necessary vaporizer that would help restore basic functioning. I can 't even afford the $50 yearly renewal fee for my medical marijuana card! Wells Fargo stole $100 from me and now i am permanently screwed. i have food for a day. gas for one day. i have to get another two weeks until i get paid again. i don't want to live anymore. this is not acceptable.
Wednesday, March 13, 2019
Monday, March 11, 2019
Hi! I Could Use Some Help This Week What Else Is New? How Are You Doing?
Hi Friends & Readers!
This week I could really use some help with affording supplements which will help me detox from an unfortunate exposure to yucky chemicals in cheap vinyl gloves i tried wearing for protection at my job but they made me sick. My body is processing out the garbage but i feel terrible in the meantime. Also the exposure will have long-term damage to insulin resistance, metabolism, endocrine function, but i cannot worry about that right now. I still need to get out of this apartment somehow. The supplements i need this week include: Acetyl L Carnitine, Reishi Mushrooms, Magnesium Threonate, Milk Thistle, L-Theanine, Boswellia, White Willow, etc. I take these and more every week to treat brain injury and oxidative damage. There is no FDA-approved pharma for treating chronic brain injury and the long-term problems potentially arising from it. Managing the burden of chemical load and trying to get it out of my body as much as possible or at least optimizing in/out flow is part of treating brain injury holistically. Anyway if you are willing/able to help out, I can receive $$ via google pay at numbatwombat21 at gmail. mostly when i write something like this, i don't get any monetary help or a little and everything is helpful and i really appreciate it but if you can't or don't want to that is totally cool. please don't feel obliged. i write these as much as documents of what it is like to live this way as i do to ask for bare monetary assistance that in many other states would be provided by tax-payer-funded programs for housing/food/medical help. love to you all I hope you all are ok!!! <3 <3
ps: i have been trying to get out of the apartment on the days like today when i don't go to work or don't go to work until later so if you want to send $$ not for supplements/food/gas but for a movie ticket that would be rad too. I don't have to go to the movies but it is easier to motivate when there is a time to aim for rather than just errands/etc <3
UPDATE: I just found out that the $100 I lost at the Wells Fargo ATM WILL NOT be refunded to me by Wells Fargo which is JUST GREAT because sure I have $100 to just lose hahahahahaahaha
it really isn't worth trying to live this way really really it isn't
These also are just the short-short-term expenses. This month or within the month i also have to a) renew my PA MMJ card for $50 I now don't have, buy a medically-functional vaporizer recommended by my doctor for $200, get my 100,000 mile car tune-up/fluid replacement for $600 (!!!), research and effectuate a move to a non-lethal apartment which will require thousands of dollars i don't have. This is what I am preoccupied with every day when I wake up. Then, inevitably, something happens, and I get hurt or sick and then I can't think about the larger questions and every day is like this.
This week I could really use some help with affording supplements which will help me detox from an unfortunate exposure to yucky chemicals in cheap vinyl gloves i tried wearing for protection at my job but they made me sick. My body is processing out the garbage but i feel terrible in the meantime. Also the exposure will have long-term damage to insulin resistance, metabolism, endocrine function, but i cannot worry about that right now. I still need to get out of this apartment somehow. The supplements i need this week include: Acetyl L Carnitine, Reishi Mushrooms, Magnesium Threonate, Milk Thistle, L-Theanine, Boswellia, White Willow, etc. I take these and more every week to treat brain injury and oxidative damage. There is no FDA-approved pharma for treating chronic brain injury and the long-term problems potentially arising from it. Managing the burden of chemical load and trying to get it out of my body as much as possible or at least optimizing in/out flow is part of treating brain injury holistically. Anyway if you are willing/able to help out, I can receive $$ via google pay at numbatwombat21 at gmail. mostly when i write something like this, i don't get any monetary help or a little and everything is helpful and i really appreciate it but if you can't or don't want to that is totally cool. please don't feel obliged. i write these as much as documents of what it is like to live this way as i do to ask for bare monetary assistance that in many other states would be provided by tax-payer-funded programs for housing/food/medical help. love to you all I hope you all are ok!!! <3 <3
ps: i have been trying to get out of the apartment on the days like today when i don't go to work or don't go to work until later so if you want to send $$ not for supplements/food/gas but for a movie ticket that would be rad too. I don't have to go to the movies but it is easier to motivate when there is a time to aim for rather than just errands/etc <3
UPDATE: I just found out that the $100 I lost at the Wells Fargo ATM WILL NOT be refunded to me by Wells Fargo which is JUST GREAT because sure I have $100 to just lose hahahahahaahaha
it really isn't worth trying to live this way really really it isn't
These also are just the short-short-term expenses. This month or within the month i also have to a) renew my PA MMJ card for $50 I now don't have, buy a medically-functional vaporizer recommended by my doctor for $200, get my 100,000 mile car tune-up/fluid replacement for $600 (!!!), research and effectuate a move to a non-lethal apartment which will require thousands of dollars i don't have. This is what I am preoccupied with every day when I wake up. Then, inevitably, something happens, and I get hurt or sick and then I can't think about the larger questions and every day is like this.
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