since i was last here i went to work with a brain injury too bad to go to work with and told co-workers there i was suicidal which got me referred to hr. i spoke to hr and assured them i was not going to be an issue but my affect was so weird that i felt it went horribly. in the immediate aftermath of a serious brain injury, every emotion gets run through an 'anger' filter so i am sure i was saying things in a way that sounded bad. i explained the whole of my situation in 5 minutes to an hr person i hadn't really spoken to before. it was a nightmare and i am still considering resigning from my job. it is VERY important to me to be professional at all times at work and the fact that i couldn't maintain in the aftermath of this brain injury makes me feel just terrible. i got my car back today and i am terrified it is damaged internally by waters and molds. it does seem to be kind of acting weird. the transmission especially. i only drove it three or four times before it flooded so i don't remember exactly. the people at the body shop were nice to me. i told them i was having difficulty communicating because of my brain injury. i think this was all covered by my insurance which i just got so i guess that is good. i am still in so much pain but i got a more powerful medicine today so i hope it will help me heal. i am terrified to go on into the future. i am terrified of dementia. my only choices though, are to live and try to apply the regimen i am using to live with brain injury or to do something to not live. i don't want to do that. i want to try and survive my brain injuries and if i can help other people survive theirs. i am very sorry if my statements have been worrisome as of late. i am trying to pull myself together. if i survive this, i am more determined than ever to pursue hrt.
thank you all for reading this and if you are friends, for being my friends. i can only hope to be as good a friend in return. <3 <3 <3 nathaxnne
ps: i don't know if my ability to write or make art has survived this round of injury but i hope it has and if it has i will continue to share it here. <3
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