Tuesday, March 31, 2020
Monday, March 30, 2020
Sunday, March 29, 2020
Saturday, March 28, 2020
Friday, March 27, 2020
Thursday, March 26, 2020
Wednesday, March 25, 2020
Tuesday, March 24, 2020
Monday, March 23, 2020
Saturday, March 21, 2020
Friday, March 20, 2020
Please Take Care Of Yourselves
Dear Readers: I am old enough and damaged due to my own stupidity whereupon I have no day-to-day quality of life. I am not a good person and I am not good at living. I do not have any dependents. Although I refuse to violently kill myself I am no longer going to take any heroic measures to keep myself alive. I will not ask for help. I will shut everything that is left down. I understand that it is up to me to do my part. I truly believe the world that is coming will be a better world. please be good to each other. you are all that they have.
Wednesday, March 18, 2020
Please Help Me Pay My Rent
Dear Readers: I cannot pay my rent for March. Please Help. My rent is $570. I cannot pay it. I won't be able to pay it without help. I am working at a big box store as many hours as I can. I am disabled. I do not have the rent for March. I can receive monies at numbatwombat21 at gmail via google pay or paypal. I wrote something the other day and no one responded at all. It is ok. I understand. I hope i die so i no longer have to beg for money online or wonder where my food rent and medicine comes from every month.
Sunday, March 15, 2020
Request For Assistance With Household Emergency Funding
Dear Readers: I live alone without immediate friends or family. I have had to divert nearly all available funds to getting enough supplies just to get by day to day. In the midst of this, my brakes failed on my car on Thursday Night, requiring immediate assistance from family in hundreds of dollars. My brakes are fixed, so i have a car which is (hopefully) safe for the time being, but i am facing food insecurity, medicine insecurity in a truly uncertain landscape. i have difficulty getting by every month when times are good. now i am staring into an abyss. i know i am not alone in this. so don't worry if you cannot help. i feel bad asking because part of me feels like it would be better if i did not survive this pandemic. my overall health is terrible. i have multiple severe chronic conditions which make daily quality of life unlivable a lot of days. asking for help living in the middle of this seems obscene. i would triage myself if given the chance. nonetheless i am alive for the time being and have a responsibility to others to be as functional as possible until i can isolate myself for a longish period of time. in order to do that i need to pay my rent for march and gather enough food/water for a couple of weeks. everyone is giving out advice like everyone is rich and can afford to just isolate for weeks with plenty of food, medicine and toilet paper. i work in a big box store and on thursday i saw rich people hoarding toilet paper. i was so sad. now everything is off the shelves. i love you all. i am not feeling great but i am still trucking as of today. if you would like to and are able to help out with daily expenditures/rent i can receive monies at numbatwombat21 at gmail and paypal. i hope everyone who reads this is as well as they can be for as long as they can be. i believe that our civilization will be permanently changed by what is coming. i think there is a real possibility that we will be forced to restructure our public health and public welfare systems in the aftermath and that this can be a good thing but what forces it will never be. love to everyone
<3 <3 <3 nathaxnne
PS - as a cashier i expect i have been exposed to coronavirus. i don't feel great but i am not symptomatic. i keep going to work and the grocery store but i am otherwise socially isolated. this is not much different from my daily life as a disabled person. i wear nitrile gloves at work anyway. i have been trying to follow best practices. there is no universal paid sick leave WHY. we need emergency help with rent, with food, with medicine. and they are trying to cut disability, cut snap. it is genocidal. i feel like there is a belief among the upper classes that this will cull the world of the poor and the sick on some level, making the world more sustainable. that is a horrifying, misguided belief. this virus will affect everyone in personal, nonlinear ways. we have not as a species experienced something on this scale for a long time. it will change us. i believe this year is the year when human beings are forced to accept reality or perish. the outcome is not certain but the questions will become increasingly stark. what are you willing to lose? who are you willing to lose and why? i will go willingly. i am tired. i have lived a long time, mostly badly. i have done my best by others but honestly how good was that really? i love you. take care of one another. we are all that we have <3 <3 <3
PPS - it is my birthday week. right on!!! lets see what happens! i like the vernal equinox but historically i haven't liked my birthday. only recently have i thought that might have something to do with gender dysphoria who would have thought? if i i die i would like to live my life over again. it can be the same i just want to come out as a girl at 8, at 12, at 14, at 18, at 21, at 24, at 30, at 34, any of the times i thought about coming out before i did. gosh i was dumb. i still am. i love you.
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