I Am Abandoning This Apartment

Dear Friends And Readers:

I am badly hurt every day by living in this apartment. I wake up. I get hurt. I go to the bathroom. I get hurt. I sit down to write or eat. I get hurt. I get hurt over and over and over again every day. I get hurt in ways that are permanently affecting my speech, my motor functions and my cognition. I am getting hurt so badly I can't work anymore as an f-ing GREETER in a big box store. The only reason this is happening is because I live in a dangerously unsafe apartment. Before I lived here, I was spending MY ENTIRE DISABILITY ALLOTMENT ON HOUSING, a full $1100+ a month on living in an f-ing weekly motel right on an f-ing interstate highway. I have been living in hell for a year. I am not going to do it anymore. I don't care anymore if I am homeless. I don't want to be alive. I turn 45 in one week and i am going to turn 45 here, in a living hell of brain injury. I am leaving here and I don't care if I die. I have told my family, my therapist, my job, the state, my landlord, the flower shop, EVERYONE that I am being hurt neurologically every day in such a profound manner that it is destroying the person that i am. I can't write anymore. I can't draw anymore. I can't think anymore. I can't work at a F-ing big box store anymore. I refuse to be hurt like this anymore even if it means my death. Fuck This. NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE

every week i run out of food and medicine and gas anyway. this is not a life i can live. fuck this.

yesterday i tried to use the last of my money to get reishi mushroom powder bc it helps but i didn't have enough money so i just couldn't get it. i go without lots of medicine that helps brain function all the time because i can't afford it. i can't afford the medically necessary vaporizer that would help restore basic functioning. I can 't even afford the $50 yearly renewal fee for my medical marijuana card! Wells Fargo stole $100 from me and now i am permanently screwed. i have food for a day. gas for one day. i have to get another two weeks until i get paid again. i don't want to live anymore. this is not acceptable.