Dear Friends And Readers:
I wrote and deleted a version of this earlier and was freaking out but now I am really freaking out. There is a snow storm coming which will end up potentially trapping me in my apartment. I have to get an emergency car repair of a drive belt which will cost $150. I have to get medicine and water and food in case I cannot leave. In order to get to my car I have to walk blocks down an alley. I have only today to prepare for this storm and I have no money. I was able to get enough to cover the car repair but that is all I have in my bank account. I do not like asking for money on the internet. The intersection of poverty and disability and mental illness is a self-reinforcing iron triangle. I am so exhausted I don't even know how I am going to get what I need accomplished. I am going to miss a work day probably on Sunday if not Saturday or Monday which means that a lot of my future income will also not happen. I am really worried. If you can help and anything at this point would, I can receive monies at numbatwombat21 at gmail through google pay. It would mean i would be safe and secure through the weekend and might be able to watch movies and write something. I don't make art in the hopes that people will donate money to me online and i have never sought for it to be a source of income but i can't make art if i am in a state of illness and panic and fear and injury to a point where they overwhelm everything else. I hate being in this situation of not being able to cover expenses every month. I am working the maximum amount that the government will allow me to on disability even though working is almost impossible for me just so I can afford rent, food and medicine along with what I get for disability which is roughly 2/3 of what I made as a library clerk in 2009. Being able to get high-cbd medical marijuana has changed my life. It is why I can work, how I found this apartment which I totally need to leave because I am suffering from the stores I share this floor with continually receiving inventory and dropping it into our shared floor which leaves me in a state of continual inflammation in my nervous system. It is horrible. My therapist has recommended that I go back to the behavioral health clinic I went to 2 1/2 years ago to get case management so I can get help moving and with rent and everything and I have an appointment to go but I am skeptical. I wish I could have a safe car and a safe apartment and enough food and medicine and medical care. I got sidetracked sorry. High-cbd medical marijuana helps with everything and although I am a state-qualified patient the state offers no financial assistance to anyone with the medicine so even though it is one of two prescribed medicines I take I pay for it entirely out of pocket. I believe it is helping slow or stave off progressive brain damage/dementia and in the short term is that which allows me to have any quality of life at all. I go once or twice a week to a local dispensary. I use dry flower as it is most full-spectrum medicine and also the cheapest. This requires a vaporizer, of which I have gone through 4 since August. The ones that they sell are not so good and they are expensive and clog and melt (apparently). They add an additional layer of expense that if I could use like a bong (prohibited by the state and my landlord) I would gladly do so at this point because it is a good backup method but I am terrified of losing the only medicine other than acupuncture which has helped my chronic problems throughout my life. What is funny is that this letter is rambling because I haven't had enough of my medicine today. I will probably delete this one too. None of them are any good. Anyway please help today if you can. I am really worried. Thank You In Advance. Also if you read this and cannot help or don't want to that is totally ok with me. Please don't feel obligated. I just don't know what to do in this situation. <3
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