Hi! I am writing this because I am having a tremendously bad day. This month I have had to call out of work 6 times. This has never happened in my work history. 2 times were because my starter died. The other 4 have been due to major winter storms. I have to walk to get to my car, sometimes long distances. This becomes really dangerous in snow and ice. When I first moved to Minneapolis, I wasn't there a month before I slipped on black ice and sprained the right half of my body, torquing it so that it has never really healed. I don't walk the same. My foot points in a different direction than it had previously. My right hip and spine don't work as well. I am freaked out by freezing rain and black ice. So, in my trapped state, i now realize that i do not have a single working vaporizer. I have purchased 3 vaporizers and they have all failed. The fact that the only one I had that worked is now not working or charging explains why i felt so awful yesterday but this is a living nightmare. I rely upon 1:1 thc-cbd dry flower medical marijuana to be able to function at all really. By state law and the conditions of my lease, i cannot use combustion to use dry leaf marijuana, which means that I have to rely on the very shitty vaporizers that i can afford which then break and malfunction constantly. when that happens, i decompensate rapidly. mmj is VERY effective but is a pain to use. the whole plant is what works best. there are oils and carts and all of that but they do not provide the deep relief and healing that the flower does. there are so many other cannabinoids in mj other than thc and cbd and they all interrelate to heal my nervous system and relieve pain. THC by itself cannot do that. I am getting off-track because I can't get my medicine! This is what sucks. I need the medicine to feel better and be more functional so once that stops working I have trouble making plans and thinking through what must happen. I can't get out of the house today anyway but now I have to go buy ANOTHER vaporizer! They won't take them back at the dispensaries! I am supposed to print out a mailing label (i don't have a printer) and package them up and mail them off to the manufacturer which i totally will do but getting myself organized enough to go to the post office after having gone to my ex's to use the printer is something that i need medicine for and can't do today anyway. i don't have another $100-$200 to spend on an additional replacement vaporizer. i didn't even have enough money to get food and medicine for this week let alone new hardware again again. i am going to try to use the TWO broken vaporizers in concert with each other, burning up all of my medicine, to get something to work enough to not feel suicidal today. Additionally, i am at home while the flower shop is open, and they drop heavy things into our shared floor all day and move tables and stuff and all of those shocks go into my spine and skull, causing symptoms which take days/weeks/months to resolve. i am making the decision to stay at home and suffer brain injury rather than try and drive a car on black ice and snow to a job a half-hour away by highway because i can't afford to live close to my job. i only have this job because my disability does not pay enough to survive and Pennsylvania does not subsidize medical marijuana patients in any way. I am at a total loss today. Honestly it was all i could do to not have a total meltdown on the phone when i called out again. I am worried I am going to lose my cashiering job. How pathetic is that? I can't lose that job because it is the only way i can even TRY to afford the medicine I need to feel ok even a little. Now I am weeping fuck.
so tomorrow I have to come up with what, $100-$200 for a vaporizer (i just had my yearly visit with my mj doctor and she recommended one which runs about $170-$200 locally, but even if i could get the cheapest, shittiest one the model that is failing me rn, that would be $70, then i need money for the medicine for a week or two, which is more than it should be and i need food and my last paycheck was almost nothing because of this and my next paycheck will be almost nothing because of this. This is how poverty compounds itself. Wealth compounds but so does poverty. My environment would be safe and nontoxic if I had wealth. If i had wealth i wouldn't need to drive a car \that never works and is always breaking. If I had wealth I would not have to hurt myself and wrack my body into chronic pain cashiering. If I had wealth I could afford acupuncture. I could afford to consult a medical specialist about my very serious ongoing neurological problems. I am not talking about a lot of wealth. I am talking about the kind of wealth that is supposed to allow you access to housing, food, transportation, medical care. It is insane that any of these things should require wealth at all.
if anyone would like to help to the ongoing black hole of capitalism that my stupid life is, i can accept assistance via google pay at numbatwombat21 at gmail. even if you cannot help but want to just say hello that is always nice but please no trolls like seriously can you see the day i am having? would \you would want to be trolled under such conditions?
anyway thank you for reading this. i don't know how to get out of this situation. i tried going to the county behavioral health services and explaining all of my problems to get a case manager to help me deal with all of this stuff and they denied me without explanation. i don't know how to go on. i was going to ask for help through my job but i can't even get into work and i doubt they could help me with my stupidly complex medical problems and medical hardware problems!!! this is no different than a cpap machine or insulin pump not working! argh
The good news is that the PA MMJ system is largely excellent in terms of being patient-driven, offering a lot of latitude in terms of your own treatment which is very very good. I have been pleasantly surprised with their program. My only complaints are cost and hardware requirements, which on the whole is pretty good <3
Now they are dropping heavy things again in the flower shop or using the flower cutter maybe? ugh. i wish i was at work!!!
Update: I switched out the charging cord for one of the two vaporizers, the one which is less jacked up, and that may make a real difference. i hope so. I need to mail the really broken one back and get the credit but i need to hold onto the one that had been working for as long as possible. <3
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