Update: Exchanged garbage vaporizer for new model garbage vaporizer.
It doesn't work well enough even though brand new. Got badly hurt by car
door slam yesterday. Hurt by impact injury day before. Can't watch
movies. Can't write. Can't drive. Because vaporizer garbage cannot get
enough medicine. Very depressed. Don't want to go on like this. I was
supposed to go to movies today with someone I really care about and had
to cancel because of injury. I feel like I am nothing but a
disappointment. I don't want to be alive. I don't know how i will ever
get out of this apartment. I don't want to go on living. I need help and
I don't know where it will come from. I hate needing help. I want to be
entirely independent. Honestly I don't want to live anymore. I am
trying to arrange things for the end of life. I am not going to hurt
myself. I am just tired of living like I am a real person. I am not. I
am a ghost or a zombie or a ghost haunting a zombie. I want my body to
die. I want consciousness to either cease or open up, rejoined to the
all. I will seek incarnation again at a later time if offered to me but I
cannot do this anymore. I am not competent to have a body. I wish my life had save points that I could return to and try again from.
I am thinking of abandoning this blog. I used to use it for art and music and now all i use it for is to complain about being hurt.
No comments:
Post a Comment