Dear Friends And Readers: This has been a difficult month. I have had to miss several days of work due to bad weather/inclement health. My car requires hundreds and hundreds of dollars apparently of '100k mile' fluids (like $600???) but also just yesterday decided to stop starting automatically at midnight in the grocery store parking lot. This is terrifying. It starts 'eventually' but I am so scared. Additionally this week is the week I have to re-up for medical marijuana in Pennsylvania. The appointment is $200 and the card is $50. That is more than I have in my bank account and my appointment is in 3 days on Thursday!!! I am asking for help with that. I managed to make rent/bills for the month but even after I take care of the medical marijuana appointment I have to somehow make it until the end of the month. All of this is too much. My car is constantly failing and has been since I purchased it. It is a nightmare. I don't know what to do.
If you would like to help me get my medical marijuana card for the next year, which would be really rad of you, i can receive monies via google pay at numbatwombat21 at gmail. thank you. <3
What follows is more context for what is going on with me.
The other day I went to County Behavioral Health and did an intake appointment for over an hour explaining to them the complex nature of my disability in the hopes that they would assign me a case worker to help me navigate housing, cars, bills, assistance, because I am drowning. I cannot take care of anything. The medicine I need to get by day-to-day insurance will of course not pay and I cannot use the cheapest and easiest way to use that medicine and it is insanely frustrating. I can't afford a vaporizer which works properly apparently and have gone through 6 of them because defective. Anyway, I explained the decades of developmental, cognitive and emotional disability which have made daily life almost impossible and i got a letter in the mail two days later saying that they had turned me down. I only went there to ask for help because that is where my therapist told me to go. Trying to get any sort of help here is almost impossible. I have spent over two years trying to get help with housing, help with transportation, help with medical care and no one can help me. I have despaired over and over and given up over and over and everyone is like 'why can't you get all of this welfare assistance that you seem like you would be qualified for' and i tell them that no one wants to help me and they can't believe it. almost everyone tells me that i have misunderstood or that i am not telling them what the letter really said, etc. I have been living independently for a long time and i want to keep it that way. i need help, like a lot of help, to manage my affairs at all but if i have everything set up i can do the same thing every day with assistance. i can go to work almost every day and be productive. i can still for now write and think productively. i don't want to live in an institution. i want to live in a home of my own. in an apartment. i just want to live in a safe apartment that is not dangerous for someone with my medical concerns and i can't. i want to drive a car that is safe and i can't. no matter what i do or how much energy i expend no one can help me. i am preparing myself face death. i am getting ready to die but it might take a long time. i need help so that my death can be a peaceful and well-managed one. i am sorry. this letter is lame. i hate being me. i hate living with all of this. i hate getting brain injuries weekly that i am just supposed to live with because nothing can be done otherwise. anyway i am sorry. i also have had to increase my food budget. I was eating two meals a day 5 days a week but i got sick from not eating enough. I have had to make sure I have 3 meals a day plus snacks 5 days a week. Last week I had to eat for a full seven days because I had gotten ill but I was able to resume my fasting schedule with modifications. I feel like I am being crushed from outside by some enormous pressure. Sorry this letter is stupid <3 nathaxnne
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