Dear Friends And Readers:
Today My Car Will Not Start At All. I cannot get to work. This will be the third day in a week i have called out of a job that only has 20 hours in a week. I need this job to live. I need a car to have this job and to live where I can afford. Every day since I bought this car with borrowed money that i cannot pay back this car has been dying. It has flooded, it has melted, it has shorted, and now it won't start. I feel so angry and hurt and betrayed. When I bought this car I said I was disabled and needed a car that would work. I have been forced to spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars to try and get this car fixed and i just had it in the other week and they told me about all these fluids that need to get replaced but they gave my battery a green light and now it won't start. it isn't the battery. it won't turn over. it is like a starter or alternator or something. i can't afford to have that fixed. now i can't get to work and i can't get the car repaired and i can't get my medicine and i just want to die. i called Roadside Assistance and they said it would be a 3+ hour wait for help because of severe conditions in my area. it is in the 50's and sunny. I don't know what world i am living in. It took me an hour to get ahold of someone at work and then i called out because i can't afford a lyft and i am screaming and hyperventilating my apartment. i don't want to live this anymore. This life is impossible. I just want to die. I can't believe this.
Really I mean what am I supposed to do? I have tried to be a good citizen. I have tried to work with a disability. I have tried to be cheerful and optimistic even in the most dire of circumstances. I have gotten up every day and tried to go to work. I have tried to maintain a home and a car and a job even though I cannot. Now all of that is going away and I have nothing left. Why should I not end my life?
Why? I have tried to get help but help was not forthcoming. I can't believe it. <3
What should I do? Please. I am just sitting here crying and shaking. If someone here responded 'KYS' well, I mean, I wish I could. I wish there was a Soylent Green New Age Euthanasia Chamber for me so i could look at trees and mountains and extinct animals as i die. i would be happy being Soylent Green. I would be helping others. My hands are shaking so bad I can barely type.
I think I am going to lose my job :\(
I just wanted to work there long enough to die.
Can anyone tell me how to get out of this? Please. I have tried so hard and nothing matters.
i'm sorry to hear that you're going through all of this and that it seems to be compounding. i hope the negativity leaves your life and you can return to a comfortable sense of normalcy, whatever that may be. i know these words don't take any of the pain away or make it easier to endure, but know that you are important and your words mean a lot, your writing is a blessing and many are thankful for it. i know it's hard to keep going, especially with each day seeming worse than before, but please don't give up. i hope your situation improves soon. all love to you, dear friend
ReplyDelete<3 <3 <3 ty & thank u for your kind words. they mean a lot on a day like today. i want to write as much as i can while i still can. i feel like i am racing against the moment when my brain will no longer be able to function enough to express itself and i don't want to live in that silence. thank you. all the love to you <3
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